motivation | Kathie Sutherland Author

Life is Not A Fairy Tale. Or is it?

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In the fairy tales of my childhood, characters found their way to the “happily ever after” through bravery and imagination. Since growing up, I’ve realized how much courage it takes to use active, focused imagination to answer deeper questions like Who am I? Why am I here? What is the purpose and meaning of my life?

For me, the Storyteller archetype is a protective figure – a wise elder who knows the power of thoughts, the vulnerabilities of being truthful, and the aloneness of existence. She also understands that stories can change people, heal shame, free us from fear, ease our suffering and restore our sense of worth.

In my Tales of Enchantment, the Old Gypsy Storyteller creates folkloric stories that brim with life truths. As she travels the “road to paradise” her fanciful tales speak in a symbolic way. I love the way she gives animals and objects touch of magic and wonder She bridges the realities of my inner Self to my search for wholeness, truth, beauty, love and goodness in the outer world.

Now that you know my motivation for creating this book, you might like to try a one page or even one paragraph fairy tale from your own life and use this altered-point-of-view. In the book Your Life as Story by Tristine Rainer, the author tells us that stories are created from three essential ingredients. We intuitively know this structure is true for telling stories from our lived experience as well. Most of us are familiar with a beginning, middle and conclusion arrangement and my Old Gypsy Storyteller has made use of this in her tales.

Here are the steps.

Something happened so that a person (a little girl, a little boy, a woman, an old man – he or she) had a problem and a need. I found it helpful to use the third person to temporarily step back from real life.

As the person pursued his or her need, a struggle ensued.

And in the end the person changed with a realization.

Your turn! Just begin, Once upon a time…

Hard copies of The Storyteller: True Tales of Enchantment have arrived! Visit the books page to purchase your autographed copy.

Compassion for the Shame-Baby

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Yesterday, at a child’s 4^th birthday party with red, blue and yellow balloons floating on the ceiling, big slices of chocolate cake on plates, piles of presents and 14 rambunctious children chasing each other around the kitchen, the mother of the birthday boy asked me to hold her 8-month old baby girl. We played pat-a-cake and peekaboo, and I revelled in the innocence of this small gopher-cheeked human being.

In the midst of the noise and chaos, she struggled to stay awake. I rocked back and forth, hummed a tuneless melody in the comforting way that I used when my own children were small. She eventually succumbed to sleep as a puppy does, simply closing her heavy eyelids and drifting off into dreamland.

While I felt grateful for this opportunity to revisit the world of little kids, I couldn’t help but compare it to the self-compassion work I’m engaged in myself at the mature age of 66 years. Just a few days ago, I talked with a supportive friend, and I told her about one of my Shadow Selves, “Critical Carla” who yammers at me when I make mistakes. “You don’t measure up!” “You’re a failure!” When Carla speaks to me like that, I become anxious and stressed and I see only my flaws.

Intellectually, I understand the purpose of Carla’s tirades. She’s trying to motivate me by correcting me so I’m safe from the rejection and disconnection that I fear will come with disappointing others and myself. I don’t necessarily feel her protection. Instead, I feel hurt and defensive instead of determined to be my best self. Worst of all, I feel alone.

When I make big mistakes, Critical Carla’s reactions can wreck havoc in my life. When she compares me to others whose lives seem idyllic and perfect, when she castigates me for my disorganized housekeeping skills, my frustration with my husband, my inability to balance my cheque book, or any other behaviour in which I feel “not good enough,” I feel powerless to stop her until I listen carefully and acknowledge her reason for protecting me.

Until I become mindful, the innocent child inside me continues to feel ashamed. She is, as self-compassion researcher Kirsten Neff says, a “shame-baby.” This baby needs my compassion and comfort whether it is warmth and reassurance, rocking, or whispers that say, “You’re okay just the way you are.” She needs to feel safe with me, that she is not alone, and that all human beings have moments when they feel flawed and imperfect. I can put my hand over her heart or cup her face so she feels rest easy in my arms.

Bouquet for a Friend

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There is nothing better than the encouragement of a good friend.

– Katharine Butler Hathaway

A few days ago, my husband and I had lunch with friends. Our conversation included chitchat about food, creativity, computers, weather and all manner of commonplace things. Afterwards, we shared lattes and more chat, about websites and the “work” we undertake, our processes and expression. I was happy to hear that others search for the purpose of their creative endeavours as much as I do. This kind of conversation lightens my heart and gives me hope. In the same way, after many years of creatively writing about life, I realize that my journal is also my friend and advisor because its pages also listen, without interruption or judgment, then help me formulate alternatives for moving forward.

As we drove home that day, ominous clouds raced along the horizon and autumn leaves chased each other across the highway, and as I watched them, I reflected on the pages and pages of unfinished writing projects waiting for me on my computer. They include keynote speeches, e-courses, workshops and three large writing projects in various stages of completion. What struck me was how, with a few words of encouragement from my friend, the spark of my enthusiasm for long neglected plans was fanned by cheerful words.

As I often do when a word pops into my mind during a conversation or in my thoughts, I search for it to learn its history and etymology. The word encourage, comes from a root word used the early 15^th century, the Old French encoragier “make strong, hearten,” from en- “make, put in” + corage “courage, heart.” In short, my friend had given me a shot of courage!

Another word that comes to mind when I think of these friends and our lunch date is gratitude. That’s a blog for another day but suffice it to say, this word is older still, from Medieval Latin gratitude, and even earlier, Latin gratus, meaning thankful, pleasing. This is one of the attributes of my love affair with words. I can see the way a word travels through history. Courage and gratitude are timeless virtues that not only motivate our actions, but are also a consequence of them.

I offer you this bouquet of roses, my friend. I am feeling excited and motivated to move ahead. I really appreciate your love and encouragement.